Shattered

Happier Times only a day ago.

It's been a rough evening. I called Gav and sent him the pictures. He is shattered. My oldest daughter has been crying for hours. I haven't told the youngest yet. I am having a hard time holding it together myself. I'm in shock. I'm trying not to get overwhelmed by my feelings of sadness. I have to keep it together for every ones sake but its not easy. It's a loss. She's a sweet dog, her training is coming along well and give her another month of lead training and she would be excellent. It's a loss emotionally and financially. My daughter was trying to understand it. Why our puppy, why our bad luck etc. I just told her maybe God just wanted this dog to have a short life but a really good short life. I'm pretty shattered too and that's the only way to describe how we are all feeling. Gav and I both agree that the kindest thing to do is put her down. Not everyone would agree but that's our decision.

Tomorrow Xena will go to the vet and we will see what he/ she says. I'm going to ring around and see if I can find one experienced with Ridgebacks.

I'm also going to ring up my Obedience class trainer and let her know what's going on. She likes Xena a lot and maybe she will be supportive.

My daughter asked me if we will have a funeral for her if she has to be put to sleep. Wow I hadn't even got that far on my thinking. I feel numb. I did mention this blog site to her and that it will be a good memory and we can make a memorial last post.

Now I'm all cried out, the kids are in bed and the house is quiet I'm finally starting to get my head around it all. We have to prepare for the worst and at the same time maybe there is hope. Let's see what the vet says.

And isn't it strange, I can't believe all the small things I've worried about in the last 2 months during training. They all seem rather insignificant right now.

I've worked as an AIN for about 5 years in nursing homes and what hit me tonight was palliative care. Even though Xena may be on her way out perhaps she still can quite some time with us with pain relief etc. She can still do her classes (which she loves) and socialise and enjoy her final days. Once the pain is apparent then we will put her to sleep (not that that's what we do in nursing homes!). It may give us time to find some medicines etc that help the problem. I just don't know.

I can't wait to see the vet.

I found a good website about DS in Australai (where I am). The vets here don't see it a lot and most don't know how to operate on it. The dog with DS is euthenized here as the kindest thing to do.

http://tyandroma.com/dimple.htm

Also, that DS on the rump can cause spinal malforations.

Ahhhh I am going to sleep now. Its 3am I'm a wreck.